What do you want? I’ve heard and asked that question hundreds if not thousands of times. What do you want to do? What do you want to be? What do you want for dinner? What will make you happy? We are on an endless search for something better. Recently, I’ve discovered that this question creates an expectation of currently being unsatisfied. This very question assumes that there is something out there that will make our lives better.
I woke up this morning with a big smile on my face. Why was I so happy? I had no idea. Today was just another day like all the rest so there was no particular reason to be up or down. I realized that I was simply present, at that feeling was wonderful. The simple act of discontinuing searching made me happy. The epiphany that the entire emotional wheel I experienced on a daily basis was within.
Intellectually I was convinced of this long ago, but meditation has taught me to live this simple wisdom. Anapana has helped me to quiet my hamster wheel mind, and Vipassana has taught me to observe the totality of my mind. Before learning to meditate I had no idea what it meant to be fully present. After several years of meditation I still only experienced glimmers of moments fully in the present. This morning, it was hard for the world to distract me from this moment.
It’s so hard to explain the value of meditation. How do you articulate how the social games of life become less important and the peaceful present moment returns ever greater rewards to someone who has never tasted their own silent mind? Maybe they can see it in my eyes and my gentle smile. Maybe they can tell that something has changed. Maybe they will never understand. Either way, I need to keep walking down this path, and the strange thing is, I know it’s going to be great. Time to meditate.