I’ve been around awhile – growing older and more comfortable with the process of living. I’m still unsure of exactly who I am but as I sit Vipassana courses I realize my uncertainties are less important than my ability to forget about the ‘me’ and focus on breath or sensation. So twice each day I make that attempt to rise above the internal and, may I say, incessant, chatter. Does it get easier as I grow older? Not really!
Since my retirement I’ve immersed myself in Dhamma: I live next door to a Dhamma center; I sit a long course every year; I join in sitting with the students on courses numerous times each week; I volunteer at the center. And it is still a challenge to quiet the mind every day. So I do the best I can for that hour because the years have taught me that those two hours each day are the most important part of my life. How else would I be able to teach my ego-centered mind to feel love for others. Not just kindness but a wellspring of love. I have a child so I have felt unconditional love. But after sitting a Vipassana course I even felt love for the guy who cut in front of me on the drive home. Gone were the harsh words or thoughts. I understand his rush isn’t personal. He doesn’t know me! He’s just a guy caught up in the fast lane. He isn’t driving home from a life-changing Vipassana course!
I’ve definitely found my path. No reason to stray. I still get angry, sad; still say the wrong things and feel stupid afterward. But I now have a way to sit down and let go of all that and maybe even have a spark of equanimity arise. Be happy 🙏🏼