Somewhere along the journey of supporting the spread of Vipassana I started thinking like a worker instead of a dhamma worker. Presented with too much work for to little time, I returned to problem solving in my head instead leaving the heavy lifting to dhamma. I like mental challenges so the various obstacles were little games for me to solve, but dhamma isn’t a puzzle to be solved. It’s the natural law which is beyond my comprehension. It’s something I should surrender to, but that’s a bit hard on my ego. On the surface my life is great, so why should I keep walking down the dark tunnel full of difficulties?
I continued my daily sittings but I was far from sensations in my daily activities. I’m trusting my intellect to support the spread of dhamma through the Center, but life is getting a little bumpy. I’m encouraging others to practice this valuable meditation, but I’m so focused on the meditation that I’ve lost my connection t dhamma in my life. Vipassana isn’t just about learning to meditate. Vipassana is a tool that helps one discover a better way of life. By surrendering to dhamma, I’m surrendering my ego that’s developed through my life’s successes. I’m learning how to love, and act through this love. Society challenges me to strive for titles and accomplishments and I’m reluctant to simply give them back, but love is connected to this surrender, and I believe love is what will help heal the world.
While pushing the spread of meditation, I’ve pushed some people away. As I’ve reintegrated my life into the mainstream, I’m susceptible to many distractions. I must be diligent to continue striving for love. Love inspires people to dream, believe, and grow. It might not lead an individual to meditate, but if a person is following the light within they are walking in the right direction. Who am I to tell them what their heart is telling them. I support their journey just as I trust my own, and believe my journey is meant to be supported by vipassana and dhamma. Time to meditate.