One thing I have definitely observed is that if I miss a sitting, my ego grows larger, more sensitive, and more powerful. I get jealous of other people being the centre of attention for too long. I get sensitive about whether or not people like me. I feel like I need to make mention of all the things that might make people think, “he’s impressive”.
None of that is useful. It’s a burden that really does feel heavy. Like Goenka says, free yourself from the shackles and chain of slavery. It’s funny that when I know I can become free at any time (all I have to do is sit), I still choose to be a slave. Crazy, right?
Such is the human condition I guess. There’s an old joke that I once heard Woody Allen tell; a man goes to a psychiatrist and says, “Doctor! Doctor! You gotta help me. It’s my brother; he’s crazy. He thinks he’s a chicken.” So the psychiatrist says, “Well why don’t you turn him in?” And the guy says, “I would, but we need the eggs.” I think I identify with that man. I know what I need to do to avoid being crazy, but a part of me want to keep the eggs. I guess they represent the illusion of benefit from doing things I know are less than beneficial.
Why wouldn’t we do what we know is best for us? Self-parenting. If I truly was my own parent, Child and Family services would have yanked that kid outta my home some time ago. I can only hope to parent myself as best I can.
I want my kid to practice Vipassana.