Conflict Resolution for Meditators


If conflict acts as an opportunity and anger as a catalyst, what happens when the catalyst no longer arises? …and the opportunity no longer makes sense?

This past year has been an unusual one; not ONCE have I felt anger towards an individual! Where I used to experience anger or annoyance, I now get curious. I see-into the other’s suffering; it’s whole systemic cause becomes more clear, including my role, and the more I know someone the deeper I see. I might experience disappointment in their behavior, but because I feel compassion for the person (living with their particular pathologies) I don’t hold any expectations. I don’t want them to change at a pace that doesn’t feel right.

I’m not going to say, “When you did this I felt hurt or angry” if I really didn’t.

I’m not going to call a concern a conflict if I feel it isn’t, but….

I am going to describe the entire scope of the dynamic, as I see it.

I am going to ask “Can we seek to understand how we could have loved each other better?”

Doing so will raise my adrenaline; take my courage and gentle words. I could surprise an independent person or a conflict avoid-er, and there’s of course the risk I could trigger them; however, it usually goes well for me. I feel squishy inside…and then… closer, deeper and more interdependent with my friends and family.

I’ve always been one to face interpersonal matters, in the past disharmony was my catalyst, but now I face them by choice. I’m grateful to have so much inner space between me and an issue; I can act with more love and less entitlement…I just have to make sure I DO ACT!, because with peace it’s so easy to forgive and forget, but that isn’t how I grow in relationship.

This entry was posted in Observations, Personal Experiences and tagged , by Ryan Shelton. Bookmark the permalink.

About Ryan Shelton

While I'm currently married to a beautiful woman while teaching physics at Padua Academy, these descriptors fail to capture the totality of my adventurous life. I have hiked over 1700 miles, traveled to 5 continents, managed a bakery, started a meditation center, counseled troubled teens, attended Duke, UNC, and Harvard, protected forests as a wildland firefighter, volunteered thousands of hours with Americorps, rafted the Grand Canyon, SCUBA dived on the Great Barrier Reef, and continues to find new adventures. I hope my writing encourages you to pursue your dreams and be the best version of yourself while supporting your communities to work together to solve the current challenges in our world.

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