So as I approach my second 10 days retreat which is coming up in five days I can reflect on the fact that i have been able to keep a very consistent practice through this first year of Vipassana. Even with life changes, schedule complications and some traveling, i always managed to keep my practice. I don’t keep any written record but i’m sure that there was never a day in which I failed to sit at least once. I do meditate twice a day and sometimes i try to squeeze in a third session during the weekends, so this is the part i feel satisfied in terms of feeling that i’m giving a sincere effort.
I start most of my meditation sessions with Anapana and then i switch to Vipassana. In some occasions when i feel that my mind it’s too agitated i can even spend three quarters of my session doing Anapana. Conversely, in those (rare) times in which i feel very concentrated i skip Anapana and I focus directly on Vipassana. However, for some reason I have not been able to include the practice of Metta as the third component of my practice. I listen to some of the Goenka phrases now and then, but for some reason, I don’t get to “buy” into Metta. Therefore this is something i will try to stress in this upcoming year.
It’s not that I don’t want to send good messages to myself, to others, to the world. Of course it’s not that. It’s just that i never believed in affirmations. Somehow it feels to me like something that makes no difference and I’m trying to work on it. I even have a book called Metta which explains all the levels of that practice, etc.
One of my theories is that once i advance more in Vipassana, Metta will feel better.
I wonder if most meditators include Metta in their practice everyday. Perhaps i could try to do a mini-sesion of five minutes every day (separated from my regular meditation practice.
Some thoughts before embarking in another journey of silence and reflection.