I can let go of my future and trust dhamma to guide my path when my life is the only one being impacted. It’s much more difficult for me to trust dhamma to take care of my responsibilities towards others. Since establishing my daily practice all my relationships have improved as I’ve been a better supporter and listener for friends and family. In the present moment, I’m able to be more connected to the people around me. I fear that by being so focused on the present I’m neglecting my responsibilities towards the future. Am I establishing a career with enough income to support me and the people I love in my old age? Am I being selfish only thinking about myself here and now?
I’m not sure why, but disappointing people I care about is one of the worst feelings I can imagine. While I’ve grown to trust dhamma, it still feels like a major risk to pursue this practice and lifestyle. Most of the people in my life don’t meditate and don’t wish to meditate. Is it unfair to force them to trust dhamma through me and my actions?
I like the support and freedom that comes from having faith in this practice but I’m unsure how real these feeling truly are. I’ve heard that one stage on the path is having 100% confidence that this is the right way to live. As I’ve been faced with my responsibilities towards others, I’m realizing that my confidence is not this strong. I’ll be curious to see how my confidence changes over time. Time to meditate.