My expectations of the outside world are slowly transforming along with my self-confidence. When I was first introduced to this practice I knew I had discovered something special, but I had no idea how to integrate this foreign practice into my life. While I was a strong independent person, meaning in my life came from sharing experiences with people in my life. How could I share this practice that took me ten days to learn and that I couldn’t really explain? How could I continue this difficult and time-consuming practice that was challenging me to live by different rules than my friends and family?
I felt like I needed to convince people who Vipassana was great. I needed them to discover how great it was to justify my own actions. At the time, I was mentally weak. This feeling of need transitioned to a want as I found the strength to focus on my privately practice. I wanted the people in my life to discover the benefits of this practice, but I was determined to complete my daily meditations regardless of their perspective. I thought needed to protect my practice. In reality, I just needed to protect it from myself. I actually found that most people in my life were indifferent to the practice. They were happy that it helped me, but they weren’t really interested in learning about it. They have their own way of life that works for them. Pushing meditation upon them only brought agitation.
I’m now entering a new stage with my practice. I’m established in my daily practice so there’s no need to protect it from anyone. I would like to get back to appreciating people for who they are and the journey they’re on. That’s something that makes me truly happy. Now that I’m loving myself and my journey again, this should be a whole lot easier. Still a challenge, but easier. Time to go meditate.