Unsettled Transitions

I’ve become more accepting of my agitated mind. When there are major decisions to be made, regardless of whether the outcomes are positive or negative, my mind seems to chatter away during meditation. I’m lucky if I can sustain Anapana for long stretches of an hour sit so I can forget about scanning the body. In recent weeks I’ve been much more accepting of this reality.

In the past I might have gotten frustrated or agitated because I wasn’t meditating properly. I might even give up and walk away. Now I appreciate the time away from inputs to decompress. Just decompressing is valuable, and I know that in a few days I’ll be back to scanning. I know allowing my mind to settle is helping me to reach a point where I can make a clear decision, even if that time isn’t right now.

The hardest factor is accepting the process. I like having a plan. I like resolving questions and issues. It’s hard for me to accept that sometimes there isn’t a good answer today but there might be a clear answer tomorrow. I’m used to figuring things out, but sometimes I just need to unwind. Time to meditate.


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