A reader commented that my posts brought up vulnerability in connection with Vipassana several time and wondered if this wasn’t the right practice for me. I’ve been thinking about this, and I think she’s correct that I’ve made it sound like Vipassana causes vulnerability in me. Why would I do something that makes me feel vulnerable?
I’ve realized that it’s not Vipassana that makes me feel vulnerable. It’s facing the truth about myself that invokes fear, apprehension, and vulnerability. When I meditate, there’s no more pretending or softening the truth. The unwholesome acts from my past rise to the surface and I must face the pain of these experiences. This is definitely a valuable use of my time. As I work through these past experiences my mind becomes cleaner. My decision-making becomes faster. Overall, I just feel healthier.
This leads me to the conclusion that the vulnerability I’ve expressed in conjunction with Vipassana is actually vulnerability I feel with myself. I don’t have as much respect for the person I was before Vipassana and I’m still learning how to be a person I respect today. Instead of causing me to feel vulnerable, Vipassana is helping me learn how to feel strong again.
Truth is a tricky thing. It reminds me of the saying, “You can’t life with it, and you can’t live without it.” As difficult as it can be sometimes to look myself and my past decisions in the mirror, it’s the only way to find true peace and happiness moving forward. Meditation is the most productive way I can spend my time and it gives me confidence that I’ll be healthier and stronger every day moving forward. It’s pillow time!