No matter how many times I think about it. It is still hard for me to remember that some Vipassana sessions will feel better than others. While I’m intellectually aware of the importance of remaining equanimous, I frequently fall on the trap of feeling unhappy if a certain practice did not feel good, or I get excited I feel that I did “better”. For example when I have the perception of a more concentrated state of mind. I guess it’s all a matter of patience and acceptance about how I feel until I manage to move to a different level. It is just that our reactions, our cravings and our aversions are so intertwined with who we feel we are that I feel like a lot of work to get rid of them. I know it’s all about observing them. But that’s precisely what I consider a very difficult task.
But the harder part I think begins once the meditation session is over. Going through my day and trying to be equanimous sometimes seems impossible and I don’t think I will succeed in achieving anything.
Other times I realize there’s nothing to achieve and I can get myself being trapped on cravings and aversions. Those are the moments in which I feel that I’m progressing. I think that continuing the practice no matter how we feel or what’s happening in our lives is the only way to go. Patience and acceptance should be a key part of our practice.
I wonder if anyone reading this can relate to my thoughts and feelings….
5 thoughts on “Patience and acceptance”
Have you taken satipatthana course? If not, take it. If you already did then re-read it. The Buddha has explained everything in it.
I do relate very much with what you write. The distortion works quite subtle … With me it happens all the time, that when e.g. I have a collected mind on my breath for a while (which is usually just a few seconds) my inner voice tells me, how good it was, actually how good I was, and buh, gone is my collected mind. This continious checking whether the practice is “on track”, is “progressing” is quite disturbing … And at the end it is a kind of craving, for spiritual success, and we know, that craving is the start of suffering.
I have my deepest moments of peace when I manage just to sit, push myself hard to the present moment, just to be aware of me sitting, eventually noticing sensations. Then my thoughts are indeed just floating away ….
I THINK WE ALL MUST SCALE THIS MOUNTAIN,
SMART OBSERVATION,JUST DON’T FEEL ALONE
cannot take it yet because have not done enough ten days yet. Should i read the text?
Yes, I think all meditators can relate to this! It’s just part of the journey. You just continue meditating and maintaining awareness of sensations, and you will still at times lose the balance of your mind. That’s a given. Realize that you are progressing even when you feel as if you aren’t. In meditation, the whole idea to me is that progress is occurring on a level beneath my conscious awareness, so whether I feel as if I’m progressing or not isn’t important. Yes, sometimes it is still impossible for us to be equanimous. This is where the faith of the meditator comes in; you’ve seen that the practice has changed you and made you happier, and you understand and accept that you will perceive ups and downs, and you continue.