Written by Dipanshu Mansingka from Hyderabad, India
In 1998 I did a 30 day course, about 2 years before that I had done a 20 day course. After that I did not had a chance to do a long course again, rather doing 10 day course itself had not been very regular. Later I realized that I was not able to do my practice regular but seating a long course had helped me to always be aware of sensation in some part of body. For me awareness towards my body and mind may have increased, but increasing the realization of anicca/impermanence in day to day life had not been easy. The observation of respiration and sensation looks to be an easy tool and path, but due to our own old habit pattern it’s very difficult to observe it equanimity. Here is an example from my life which I had come across many times.
Many a times I have given interviews with fortune companies. Initially when I get a call there is no expectation. As I progress from one round to second to third and so on. Unknowingly I will start building expectation and start rolling into pleasant thoughts. At times I realize the habit of my mind rolling into it but could not remain equanimous with the realization of anicca. I try to remain aware and see for how long my mind rolls into the fantasy and the sensation along with those thoughts. Most of the times the end result is I do not get selected, but it makes me realize the health of my mind. The amount of energy I had wasted in rolling my mind in those fantasy or desire to get pleasant sensation.